Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
