Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
