I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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