This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
