You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
