Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
