he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
