I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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