Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
