How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
