Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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