were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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