I am in a vortex of obligation.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
