i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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