She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
