I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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