Please, let me fuck your mom
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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