so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
