How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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