Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
