I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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