Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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