Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
