btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
