DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
