The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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