I think my fart just growled at me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
