I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
