I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
