38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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