the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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