I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
