all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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