Only a mothe r could love this liver
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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