I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Randomize
