I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
