I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
