Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
