How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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