so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
