this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
