i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
