:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
