Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
