Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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