you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
