I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
