It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
