final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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