Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
